The dating game can often feel like a maze, especially if you’ve been out of it for a while. When you find yourself questioning your own feelings, it’s essential to determine whether it’s relationship anxiety or if you’re simply not in love. Relationship anxiety, stemming from fear of commitment, abandonment, or past negative experiences, can make it hard to trust and open up to a new partner. Understanding the difference between relationship anxiety and not being in love can help put your worries to rest. Recognizing the symptoms of each will prepare you for the next steps in your romantic journey.
This is how you recognize the difference between relationship anxiety vs. not being in love.
The symptoms of relationship anxiety:
When you’re in love but suffering from relationship anxiety, your mind plays tricks on you. You have difficulty being present in the moment because you need your partner to reassure you. Despite feeling anxious, you do feel a deep connection and desire to be with the other person. Other symptoms include:
- Worrying a lot, lot: An ongoing fear that your partner will leave or that the relationship will fail.
- Constantly overthinking: Obsessively analyzing your partner’s words and actions, searching for signs of trouble.
- You feel insecure about how they feel for you: Feeling unsure about your partner’s feelings towards you, even when there is no concrete reason to doubt them.
- You embark on self-inflicted avoidance therapy: Deliberately avoiding deep emotional connection or discussions about the future out of fear.
- You can physically feel unwell: Experiencing stress-induced physical symptoms like headaches, stomachaches, or sleep disturbances.
How Does It Feel to Just Not Be in Love? The Symptoms:
If you’re just not in love, your feelings will show up very differently. You can find yourself feeling indifferent or disconnected from your partner, even when they’re trying their best. When they’re trying their best, it might make you feel awkward. Physical intimacy can feel forced or lack passion. The most common signs are:
- Lack of excitement when you hear or see your partner: Feeling indifferent or uninterested in spending time with your partner.
- Feeling emotionally distant: Not feeling a deep emotional connection or intimacy with your partner.
- Interactions are forced: Engaging with your partner out of obligation rather than genuine desire.
- You don’t see your partner in your future plans: Struggling to envision a future together or lacking the desire to make long-term plans.
- It’s just nicer to be apart: Feeling relieved or indifferent at the thought of ending the relationship.
How do you get rid of relationship anxiety?
So you’ve got relationship anxiety… And it’s actually affecting your ability to move forward. Then take these steps to overcome it:
- Communicate it openly: Share your feelings and fears with your partner, that way he can understand and support you. Just remember not to make this the topic of each conversation you two have.
- Talk to a pro: Consider talking to a life coach or therapist who can help you address underlying issues and develop coping strategies. Every so often your best friends might be the worst advisor. And not every best friend wants to see you truly happy. Getting a professional to tackle your anxieties will help you overcome them faster and fix your negative thought patterns.
- Practice self-care: Engage in activities that promote relaxation and well-being, such as exercise, meditation, or hobbies.
- Challenge your negative thoughts: When you think negatively, everything will feel negative. But it also works the other way around. Actively work on recognizing and challenging irrational thoughts and fears. A diary, notebook, positivity journal app, or just your phone’s notes will help you challenge your negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones. Write down each negative thought you have when it pops up, and contradict them with positive outcomes.
- Take it slow: Give yourself time to build trust and deepen your connection without rushing. You don’t have to move in together within the next month. Unless your home situation is truly dire. Try to focus on fun things together and feel homie together, like cooking each other’s food and appreciating each other’s company.
How to End It Properly If You Are Just Not in Love?
If you’ve come to the realization that you’re simply not in love, it’s important to end the relationship respectfully and honestly. Avoid ghosting or dragging things out. It can cause unnecessary pain. Plus, you wouldn’t want to receive that kind of treatment yourself. Have an open and compassionate conversation with your partner. Express your feelings and the reasons behind your decision. It may be awkward and difficult, but ending it this way can lead to personal growth for both of you. Moreover, it will lead to an opportunity to find a more compatible partner in the future. Remember to take these steps to end the relationship respectfully, even if you’ve been dating for a short time:
- Be honest: Have an open and honest conversation about your feelings.
- Choose the right time and place: Discuss the breakup in a private, calm setting where you can both express yourselves without distractions. Keep the dates on your calendar in mind. Sometimes it’s necessary to mention that funerals, deathbeds weddings, birthdays, holiday celebrations and anniversaries are not really the place or time for a breakup.
- Be compassionate: Acknowledge their feelings and provide them with closure.
- Avoid blame: Focus on your feelings and avoid placing blame on your partner.
- Give space: Allow your partner space and time to process the breakup. No texting, calling, insta liking, etc. unless necessary.
Remember, both relationship anxiety and a lack of love are valid experiences. By being honest with yourself and your partner, and seeking support when needed, you can handle these challenges with grace and clarity.
