Have you ever realized that confidence is not a personality trait, but a skill anyone can master? Robin S. Vealey, a prominent sports psychologist, says that ‘confidence’ comes in two flavors: ‘Trait’ and ‘State.’
‘Trait-confidence’ is the belief that you can handle a task in different situations and circumstances. ‘State-confidence’ is only a temporary belief in your capability to perform a task. The situation you’re in, the people around you, and other external factors affect your state of self-assurance. In other words, where ‘trait confidence’ is constant, ‘state-confidence’ fluctuates with time, surroundings, and circumstances. But we don’t really want our level of grit or assurance to depend on a specific situation. That’s why we should aim to level up our trait-confidence.
Now, presenting your ideas confidently in any setting is a valuable skill. Though sometimes it’s hard to share ideas because we are afraid of being rejected, embarrassed, or upsetting a friend or a colleague. We focus on all the horrible things it could lead to. But what’s the worst thing that could happen? I know someone who once got fired for giving his CEO some ideas for better management during a monthly meeting with the whole company. In all fairness, that probably wasn’t such a bright idea. The CEO felt unnecessarily attacked. It triggered his inferiority complex when he realized that he and his family, who all worked there, were not doing such a bang up job at managing his company. So they let him go, instead of having a meaningful conversation to see how they could start managing certain situations better. Now the fellow that got fired ended up with a better job and a 20% raise in salary. In the following months, the company lost a few good employees who left for better roles to object what happened. So the worst thing that could happen did happen. But was it really the worst? It turned out wonderfully for everyone leaving the company. I wouldn’t suggest you’d become overconfident and risk being let go when you really need that job. Yet not speaking up, just because of the worst thing that could happen in your mind, might just be ‘the worst thing’ holding you back in life. So how can you present your ideas more confidently, communicate better, and read the room well so everyone gets onboard with your ideas? These steps will help you boost your trait-confidence as you go along.
Prep!
Building your trait-confidence begins with thorough preparation. The level of preparation you will go through depends on the idea, the people listening and the situation you’ll be presenting it in. Research your topic if necessary, anticipate questions or objections, and rehearse your presentation or suggestion. The more prepared you are, the more confident you’ll feel in your ability to handle any situation that might come at you. If it’s among friends that seem to contest your ideas a lot, you might want to start with small things they could never say no to. Then work your way up.
Visualize Success:
Take a page from the playbook of elite athletes and use visualization techniques to boost your confidence. Picture yourself delivering your idea with poise and conviction, envision a positive reaction. Rehearsing it in your mind will help you believe in your ability to deliver the idea confidently and will reduce your worries.
Set Realistic Goals:
Chunk your speaking goals into bite-sized steps and set achievable targets for growth. Celebrate each milestone, and make your suggestions bigger over time. It will boost your confidence as you go along.
Read the room:
Is it the moment for an idea, or not? If it’s an idea based on an improvement of something huge, e.g. improving the management of the whole management team, big? And are many people are watching? Then you might just want to turn it into a private conversation. Are people listening and willing to listen when you start talking? Then it is absolutely the right moment. Look at who you are directing your idea to. If they respond with a smile or intrigue, you are good to go! Do they instantly look away, roll their eyes or try to argue? It might just be a good idea to back down. Unless they are being unreasonable. You are allowed to mention that. A good way to instantly clear the air is to say something in the lines of “It seems like what I was trying to say might not have come across properly, what triggered this response?”, “I feel like we are both in a different conversation” or “This response feels a little out of proportion”. If it’s your friend, you can offer them a Snickers bar for their hangry response. Sometimes not responding and waiting for the other person to continue talking is the best course of action. Most people will start to excuse themselves when they realize they were out of line.
Ask for Feedback:
Don’t be afraid to ask for feedback from trusted colleagues, mentors, or your friends. Constructive criticism helps you improve. Feedback can seem like an insult sometimes. But try to separate criticism from actual insults. Keep in mind that criticism you receive from someone says a lot about what they feel or focus on than it actually says about you. Embrace mistakes as a learning opportunity and use them to grow stronger and more confident in your abilities.
Challenge Negative Self-Talk:
Challenge your self-doubt and negative self-talk by reframing your internal dialogue. Instead of dwelling on perceived shortcomings or past failures, remind yourself of your strengths, achievements, and potential for growth. Or how you’ll do or say things better the next time. Replace negative thoughts with positive affirmations that reinforce your belief in yourself and your abilities.
Practice, Practice, Practice:
Like any skill, public speaking improves with practice. Look for opportunities to speak in front of small groups, or try a public speaking workshop. The more you practice, the more comfortable and confident you’ll become in expressing your ideas.
Celebrate Your Successes:
Acknowledge and celebrate your success, no matter how small. Whether it’s a successful presentation, receiving positive feedback, or overcoming the fear of suggesting your idea, take pride in it. It will motivate you to push yourself to new heights.
Conclusion:
Confidence isn’t something you’re born with—it’s a skill you can cultivate and refine over time. Try these options on smaller moments and work your way up to boost your confidence and hone that skill.
